YIIIIIKESS I really didn’t want to give you that name but shit I could NOT think of anything else to letter this shit… You’re going to like that wayyy too much I can already tell…
Well buddy boy. We’ve had an interesting friendship. I think my earliest memory of you was when we were in good ol’ Gollan’s room, and when he scrolled through some files on his computer, it was all these pdfs labeled some kind of “XxX”, and we asked him “Maggi G… What’s up with all those triple x pdfs there?” he responded “It’s school related…” and you and I looked at each other and said “Yeah,,,, school girls.”
I don’t think I’m around many people who encourage me to take as much of party substances as much as you. You enjoy the idea of becoming as twisted as possible, and sometimes you push yourself and others to go an extra step in that direction, just because they have the option to. And it’s not a bad thing for me, but that’s because I know my limits and I know that I would never really allow myself to get very entrenched in any kind of substance abuse. However, I worry that this attitude is not brought on with a lot of thought and consideration,,, while we have had our incredible discussions while just totally fucked out of our minds, there have also been times where we have just been with people or been in situations,, where the only goal is to get fucked up, and it feels off. And while that in itself is not exactly the worst thing ever,, it definitely can seem worrying if done too much for too long… Let me see if I can explain..
So in our time that we’ve done shit together,, it seems to go down a few different ways. The first is I can’t make it. Living at home when you and your group tries to do stuff immediately is not something that’s really easy for me to do, so yeah. The second is that you invite me to go out with your friends, or people that you’re kind of familiar with, and we go out somewhere, or hang out in one place after we already have our fill of whatever substances we want. The problems with this, is that these people are either doing something next to dangerous (i.e. taking something extremely hardcore that they just should not,,,, or they’re attracting attention) and they don’t really seem to do it (get destroyed) for any “beneficial” reason. The third is that it would be you, me, and maybe two or three other people (max) we really enjoy, and we have good conversations with. The only problem with those times, are that we usually have the shittiest luck, and that finding a stable place to stay at is difficult.
But I don’t mean to dog or hate on the people you’ve introduced me to! Really. I actually have really enjoyed the company of some of your friends that we most recently hung out with. But here’s where my worry comes in to play whenever you invite me to clown around with your friends;;; it feels almost dangerous, rather than relaxing (or even trying to be),, like if I had to give descriptions, whenever it’s you, me, and Momma G, it’s as relaxed as the exhaled smoke from a long drag, warm and cool, and exciting enough to take any shape, it’s the conversations that go in a thousand directions. But when it’s with the people you introduce me to, it’s like it’s the burning embers, it’s paranoia over who’s parking near us, it’s a haze that’s only clear when people leave. It’s a constant worry that taints the experience of getting any non sober experience,, and even though it’s illegal, the reason why someone should do anything like what we do is to be return from being different than sober. While it may be exciting to do something illegal, it’s considerably more dangerous to do it often just for that reason, it’s a mentality that can get people in more than just legal trouble, and it makes me nervous pervous sometimes when I’m in that atmosphere, for myself and for them.
It kind of confuses me sometimes that you toy in both atmospheres. I don’t believe that you are highly invested in this intense form of drug consumption, I have heard you express some of your limits and intentions to never attempt to go beyond a certain point. And while this is good, I feel you only deviate from that whenever I try to bring about more of the atmosphere that I prefer, which I think even you are starting to notice.
Which leads me to my surprise and interest in your turn of behavior. I think that you decided at some point to go head first into all the stereotypical partying activities and have been heavily invested in it,, but starting to know that it’s going to be soon that the rest of life will be hitting hard and fast. You’ve indulged me in some of your other interests, and through seeing mine you’ve shown me some of your own writing. Which I haven’t forgotten to give you my opinions and critiques on.
I’m always exciting in people’s projects, the things they want to perfect, the things they want to master. I feel the same about some of the things I write, I wish I could master every kind of expressing myself, every way to learn and be one in the same of some art form. To represent something of yourself, and try to represent something in someone else. I really am honored to be represented by someone else, you learn a lot about what people focus on you. I’m excited to read your pieces, I hope you learn how to make it a clear representation of yourself and your thoughts. I think if you do this, your personal experience and the mix of the seemingly conflicting interests (at this point in your life), will come through as something of a great read.
Wish you the best of luck. I’ll be paying attention, ya boi is curious.
Your Groovy Jedi Master, John Burke